


When Pretending Takes A Breaking Point: Love

by Lostcauseinorbit



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-23
Updated: 2019-11-23
Packaged: 2021-02-26 23:07:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21527116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lostcauseinorbit/pseuds/Lostcauseinorbit
Summary: “Do it Lena…keep pretending…make me think you love me, and then tell me you don’t” Kara said holding Lena’s gaze while silent tears ran down her cheeks. “Then tell me you hate me, take your love away”OrIn the chaos, realizations are made. The title tells it all.
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 5
Kudos: 241





	When Pretending Takes A Breaking Point: Love

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know how I ended up writing this. But there you go. I am sucker from drama.

“That’s what I am to you now?” Kara asked, her voice small. She had managed to break through the ice cocoon in which Lena left her. She had wanted to go to the DEO, tell Alex about what had happened.

She wanted to keep crying but she couldn’t, because all she could remember was Astra and Non. 

She kept hearing Lena’s voice, broken and full of pain, and all she saw was Astra trying to convince her to join her, all she saw was Non telling her how it was her fault Astra was dead. 

All Kara could see was Alex admitting to her that she killed Astra, and then all she could see was William’s sad expression when she told him his best-friend was working for Leviathan.

All Kara could see was an alternate reality where she lost Lena, and she couldn't bear it. 

In that second she realized that no one will understand. That many would tell her Lena’s mistakes didn’t have a turning point. That there was no way to justify her, that Lena overdid it. Maybe they were right, maybe Lena went too far.

Maybe she wasn’t justified.

But the breaking point was that Kara didn’t care.

Kara didn’t want to care.

She chose not to care the moment she broke the ice.

“That’s what I am to you now? Someone you loved?” Kara asked landing on Lena’s balcony.

Lena turned around. Eve stepped forward, putting herself between Lena and Kara. “Miss Luthor, should I dispose of Supergirl?” the woman said.

Kara observed the blonde and her heart broke a bit more, realizing her voice was like a robot. _“What have you done Lena?”_ she thought but didn’t ask. Instead she took advantage of Lena’s surprised state and punched Eve, catching her by the waist before she would hit the floor. She carried the unconscious woman and placed her on the couch.

“Miss Luthor, do you want me to dispose of Supergirl?” The robotic voice echoed again, and Kara immediately detected the source. Some sort of advanced inorganic computer in the shape of a suspended drop, floating in the middle of Lena’s minibar.

“Stop!” Lena exclaimed when she realized Kara was about to blast the AI with heat vision.

Kara destroyed the computer before Lena could do anything.

She turned around and looked at Lena. “You said I hurt you because someone you loved betrayed you” Kara said, fists clenched. “Is that all am I to you now?” she asked.

“Yes” Lena said keeping her posture as rigid as possible.

Kara nodded. “So, are you going to use Myriad for what? Do the same thing you did to Eve?” she asked.

“I’ll do a favor to society” “I’ll clean everyone from their lying nature” Lena said.

Kara nodded again. “I’ll help you then”

Lena blinked for a second. “Excuse me?” The CEO observed Kara surprised.

Kara took a deep breath. “You don’t want to listen to my apologies. You don’t want to believe in my apologies. You are willing to attack me with everything you’ve got so I understand how much you are hurting.” “But nothing will really hurt me” “Not physically”

She stepped a bit closer to Lena, who retreated, but Kara kept walking forward until she was close enough to take Lena’s hands if she wanted to. Kara didn’t.

“I would offer you punch me and I wouldn’t defend myself, but it won’t hurt me either” “I would offer you to use red sun lights to weaken me, even green kryptonite, but you have already used the last one and I’m still here” “And you will not believe regardless”

Lena remained silent. Unable to understand Kara’s words, Kara’s actions. This is not how she thought things would happen.

“If you have been pretending to be my friend, to care about me, all this time” Kara paused, because that reality made it impossible to breath. Lena’s anger towards her made it impossible to breath.

“Then keep pretending, pretend until I believe there is love in your eyes and that your smiles are genuine, look at me and smile at me the way you used to…hug me the way you used to…” she observed Lena, her eyes landed on Lena’s lips and she took a deep breath, trying to remain brave when all she wanted was to cry.

“Shut up” Lena whispered.

“Kiss me the way I imagined you would…and don’t stop pretending…keep doing it, I will willingly believe you…I swear I will, because that’s all I wanted for the longest time” “Because I did notice the changes in your eyes, your well-practiced smiles…I noticed it all but didn’t tell you…because I was hoping I could win you back…I was hoping I could compete with the memory of Kara Danvers” “Because Kara Danvers never hurt you, did she? You loved Kara Danvers and now you hate me…because I’m Supergirl” “Because Supergirl is Kara Danvers” she stepped forward a bit more and Lena stepped back in response. Her back hitting her desk.

“Stay away from me” Lena said and tried to push her away. Her hands landing on Kara’s chest.

“Do it Lena…keep pretending…make me think you love me, and then tell me you don’t” Kara said holding Lena’s gaze while silent tears ran down her cheeks. “Then tell me you hate me, take your love away”

“Tell me I won’t get the chance to kiss you again” “Tell me I won’t get to hug you again” “Tell me you hate me so much you’d rather pretend you love me so I leave you alone” “Tell me I won’t get to see you smile” “I won’t get to hear you call my name” “Tell me all that and that’s how you will hurt me” Kara paused to breathe again.

“That’s how...” her voice broke and she slowly took Lena’s hands and placed them on her heart.

“That’s how you break my heart” Kara whispered.

“St..stop” Lena whispered, her eyes travelling to their hands, silent tears starting to form in her eyes.

“Because that’s why you are hurting so much…right?” Kara said and in that chaos of conflicted emotions, she couldn’t help but to feel hopeful.

_Please tell me I’m not wrong._

_Please tell me there was something else._

_Please tell me it was love. That still is._

“That’s how you really want to hurt me…right?” Kara insisted. _That’s how your love for me hurts…right?_

Silence.

“Love?” Lena asked, her voice small, broken, unable to formulate the entire question. _Do you love me?_

Kara silently nodded and squeezed Lena’s hands. She couldn’t speak now. Because she never thought that’s how she would tell Lena her feelings or confirm them.

How could she explain it? That in the chaos, Kara looked at Lena and kept seeing a vast ocean of emotions that reflected hers. She saw Lena’s eyes and in all that angered green she still saw a pair of shinning stars that reminded her of Krypton’s. She saw Lena and she saw her future…and it became theirs and it was full of laughs and Sunday mornings cuddled in bed accompanied of soft kisses on soft skin, and more kisses…and made of a universe of different ways to touch each other until none could tell where their bodies ended.

How could she explain it to Lena? When she just recently realized it.

When the admission makes Kara’s heart ache with a different type of pain. A welcomed pain that she refuses to live without. The type of ache that makes you wonder if the butterflies in your stomach are real or not.

“And you?” was all Kara managed to say. 

Silence.

Lena didn’t even realize her anger ignited, exploded and vaporized in those seconds.

All Lena could see was blue eyes and golden locks, and the tiny brown freckles on Kara’s cheeks. All she could feel was Kara’s heart beating desperately against her palms. All she could see was Kara’s hands covering her cold ones, always warm, always gentle.

And the darker side of her mind tried to fight against Kara’s words…mere existence.

Lex’s revelation started echoing in her ears. But his voice sounded so distant compared to the drumming of Kara’s heart. Compared to Kara’s hopeful teary eyes and trembling lips when she asked, “And you?” _Do you love me too?_

Lena’s mind did a hard reset.

It went blank. She couldn’t think anymore.

She could only feel.

Lena’s heart jumped out of her chest.

_Do you love me too?_

That’s what Kara was referring to.

_Love._

Not the best friend’s kind of love.

The kind of love Lena had just asked about and Kara’s silent nods were a clear answer.

And Lena’s heart believed it.

And when it did. Lena’s mind tried to tell her it was another lie.

But Lena didn’t care. She didn’t want to care anymore.

Because ironically, the reality of their relationship had hurt for so long, and it hurt more than the pretending. Because the true aspects of their relationship were full of the not knowing. 

The uncertainty hidden in their lunch dates, in their movie nights, in their afternoons when all they did was just cuddle. And all Lena could do was pretend, pretend her heart didn’t hope for more nor imagined that was her new future, and even when it hurt, even though it was still just a friendship Lena didn’t care. Lena would take it all and live off the moments Kara would offer her. That was the decision she had made. Love would never be for her, because the only one she loved was Kara…always Kara.

And now Kara was telling her everything was what Lena had wanted it to be.

And Lena’s brain was telling her the love she had been yearning for was a lie.

The internal conflict hammered her heart in two, and in Lena something had to give out.

And Lena’s self-destructing tendencies kicked in. They screamed at her to push Kara away and her hands trembled fighting the urge.

But she couldn’t because her survival instincts kicked in. They were a huge SOS blinking red in her head and ringing in her ears, louder than Lex’s voice and all her demons.

Lena could live with the pain caused by her anger; she could survive resenting Kara. But Lena couldn’t live with the pain of knowing she rejected a truth that had always been there. Wrapping them both under blankets of friendship that Lena never expected to have but was so willingly ready to surrender to.

And so, Lena didn’t care anymore. Her anger snapped out and she pulled Kara in, unable to speak and trembling. But Kara’s hands held her steady as she always did, and Lena melted.

“Lena” Kara whispered, her eyes a bit wide and her cheeks still wet. But Lena didn’t answer.

She just kissed her. And Kara kissed her back.


End file.
